Passive Aggressiveness and Recycled Opinions.
It irritates me most of all to see these traits in someone so young… All that misguided energy and brainpower and youth.
When you’re on the fence about something, sometimes what you really need is a strong gust of wind.
When you’re not quite sure about one decision or the other, what you need is for someone to shove one of the options right up to your face, and judging from your reaction to that - you’ll figure out what it is you really want.
Often times I’m clear enough on what I should or should not do, but I don’t always have the conviction to follow through - especially when the decisions are difficult ones.
I suppose under pressure, and in the state of panic, pros, cons, and logic lose their importance and your instinct kicks in.
You’re lying in bed, next to someone you’ve thought about and who has thought about you, for years. You dance around the giant elephant in the room for hours and hours. There’s nothing really stopping either of you except for the inertia that has gathered momentum throughout the years….
2 am peers it’s head, and this person lying in bed with you decides he won’t sit and watch yet another night slip past, without taking hold of it.
He brings the issue to the surface.
He asks you the questions you’ve been avoiding.
He points straight at that giant elephant in the corner.
He tells you what he wants.
Then he moves in closer.
……………..and you recoil.
Then you realize, how much… you love the person you’ve been with. The person that isn’t next to you on the bed - but should be. You realize how clear the decision has been all along, and how you’ve just been trying to ignore it. Your reaction said it all, there was no logic behind it. Just truth.
Sometimes your mind is unsure about things that your heart has already decided on, and you just need to get it beating hard enough to tell you.
Isn’t it funny/ironic/screwed up that as soon as an underdog gets a small taste of victory, often times the initial reaction is to then, turn around and start pointing their own prosecuting fingers?
You would think that after years, decades - CENTURIES of being an underdog, and being a victim, that communities and people would learn to do away with the anger and resolve to behaving DIFFERENTLY from those who’ve wronged them do?
It’s sad to see underdogs that refuse to learn from their experiences and instead, become so consumed by their anger that they quickly go from victim to villain.
A country that is so used to being unfairly stereotyped, and discriminated against, and enslaved and misjudged got a taste of independent victory today. And how funny is it that almost immediately I see the young people (the ones that are supposed to be educated and accepting and freethinking) pointing fingers, throwing blame, boasting with puffed-up-chests, and damning a whole other country and it’s people for the actions taken by their government/leaders.
“Come on, it’s their government, its not the people. Its not the whole country..”
“I don’t care, I hate ‘em”.
……How quickly we forget.
Mmm… something to think about.
*A disclaimer to krumbine & billO.. you’re probably not going to enjoy this post… love me anyway? =)*
…Yes, I have finally come to that fork in the road. I am writing a blog that deals with faith….. or if you want to be really dirty.. r e l i g i o n.. *sigh*
I was presented an interesting conundrum the other day (and conversations rarely ever interest me to this degree anymore). A group of friends and I were having a discussion about these 3 different teachings.
#1 : Man is made up of 3 things. Body, Soul & Spirit. Body being the flesh. Soul being your emotions, your intellect, your identity. And Spirit being where God dwells in us.
- To be honest, this was the first that I had ever heard of this 3-element theory. I had never thought of the Spirit and Soul being two separate things.. I suppose I always assumed those words were just different ways of saying the same thing.
#2 : Man is made up of 2 things. Body & SoulSlashSpirit. (Soul and spirit being one and the same.)
-This is what I had originally believed. We’ve got the flesh..obviously. And then we’ve got that weird, floaty, energy-thing that ascends when our bodies give out. Even since we were teenie-tinies we’ve been taught this through cartoons, comics, etc.. Every time the coyote blows himself up, the body singes and the SoulSlashSpirit floats upward.
#3 : Man is not made up of elements at all, man was created in God’s image as a whole. Not fragments that are put together… body - soul - spirit, they’re all one and the same : human. This theory, if we look at the bible, is the Jewish way of looking at things. And as a Christian, this is probably the best example I/we should adhere to.. versus the Greek philosophies of floaty-essence-spirit-thingies that dwell in bodies.
I’ve lived most of my life in a very secular manner… I didn’t get into Christianity till my late teens. So mostly, I still consider myself as a very non-religious person, in the way I think and the way I reason. My instinct is not to reason with WWJD, my instinct is still to reason by my own measures. Sure, I have a larger hunger for spirituality now that I’ve been exposed to different theories of love and so forth… but mostly, I’m still a pretty normal free-thinker….that likes Jesus quite a bit. =)
So with my “secular mind” , I’ve grown up assuming theory #2 is all there is.
And when I had this discussion with friends I took it to a pastor - who is also a good friend of mine - and he’s the one who introduced theory #3 to us. This is probably because this theory is the most biblically sound one as far as the history goes… but after extensive debates and arguments with me, even he started to see things in a different light. His argument was that “in the bible whenever someone mentions the heart or the mind or the spirit, there is really no difference. What they’re referring to is the person, as a whole. We’re not made of little pieces that get jumbled around - when God created us, He said we were good, we were made in his image… we were made whole.”
My reply to this was that even Jesus Himself in the bible says things like “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” (Matt. 10:28; Luke 12:5) - so CLEARLY he is making quite an obvious distinction there. He is intentionally showing a difference between the body, and the soul. And with this, my pastor-friend sort of rubbed his chin, nodded, and silently accepted my point - at least to chew on.
Before I came to know the teachings of Christianity… I thought it to be as simple as theory #2, we have body and we have soul. But before the night of this discussion I had forgotten that as a Christian, I can not miss that extra element of the Spirit.
(this next part is going to sound like complete radical bullshit rambling.. for this I apologize.) As a Christian, I made a decision to accept Jesus and the Holy Spirit (yes I just said that) into my life, into my heart. So I can’t deny that with God living in me through the spirit.. it has added another element to my being. And the separation/distinction? I can not intelligently accept theory #3 because I can’t put it together in my mind that flesh, soul, and spirit are one and the same. So often the flesh wants what my soul or even mind knows is wrong. So often my spirit guides me in directions I know are good. So often my spirit takes the shape of my conscience and whispers guidance in my ears. And all too often, the alignment that I’m sure God meant for : Spirit to Soul to Body, becomes jumbled. Through selfishness, foolishness or plain stubbornness, all too often the Body does not listen to the Soul who ignores the Spirit. This is how I know there is a difference, a distinction. The schizophrenic pull in different directions by different parts of me is a painfully clear example of these elements.
………So this is the thing my mind has been chewing on the last few days. It is so rare that a topic of discussion interests me to this extent - to the point that I’m still thinking about it days after. So I’m embracing this interest/inspiration, and i’m pouring all this sickening spiritual shit onto my blog.. where unfortunately you have found yourselves. :)
I tried for so long not to write a religious blog.. really I did. I know it only leads to endless arguments and blah blah blah. But this, really intrigued me… and hopefully the subject matter is that which we can all still discuss together no matter our beliefs - because I do appreciate your opinions and in fact, because of our different beliefs, I really do want to know…
What do you think?
— wordboner.
Blue Bird vs. the others.
I am really starting to fucking hate this whole taxi bureaucracy here in jakarta. Yes, it is much cheaper than in other countries to take taxis, and yes essentially what I’m complaining about IS simply value for my money… but fuck.
Blue Bird Taxis : Hands down the best most reliable taxi company here. Their regular fleet of taxis are always clean & new models, they’re always early, and the drivers are always pleasant. Their upper class (Silver Bird) fleet are made up of Mercedes Benz C230’s, and so are most definitely more comfortable, more prestigious and the drivers are that much more customer friendly.
What is the trade-off? Their price. Bluebirds are known to charge slightly higher than ALL other (not MOST other) taxis in Jakarta. And though the difference is slight to begin with.. in long cab-trips it does add-up!
Now other taxi companies (like Express Taxi) charges only slightly less, but again on longer trips it REALLY does make a difference.
Express in particular, has cabs that are new as well, almost up there with Bluebird, most times their drivers are just as polite, and I’ve never really had any problems with them. Until yesterday morning.
I had to leave my house by 10am, and the night before I had called Express taxi in advance to order my cab. And then the morning rolls in and I’m busy showering and getting ready when I look at my clock and it was about 9:50am, and no taxi. So I call express back to ask what the hell was going on and this was their reply:
“Oh, right madam you ordered a taxi for 10am.. We’re sorry but up until now we are still looking for a taxi for you..”
What?! This.. at 9:50!! Unbelievable. And this has actually happened once before with them when I had ordered a taxi for a certain time and they called me back about 30 minutes before what time I had ordered the cab for and told me the same thing, that they were still looking for a cab for me. So I told them, “that’s ok.. I’ll wait another half an hour..”
…………… And they never called back. And I was late for work. Fuckers.
(Both times, I ended up calling bluebird and had a cab at my doorstep within 5 minutes… i’m not exaggerating.)
Ok, so I get it. Essentially this whole problem I’m complaining about should actually make sense.. Bluebird is far more consistent so they’re allowed to charge more.
But here is my problem: If Express is so obviously a close 2nd place to bluebird, shouldn’t they be busting their ass to excel in the areas that they can control? i.e. customer service & punctuality? I mean they may have a smaller fleet or whatever, but when someone orders 12 hours ahead, I’m SURE they could’ve pulled it together and found ONE taxi.
Value for money, yes. But fuck does it frustrate me that the problem I have with Express or some other good taxi company is that where pale in comparison to bluebird, is actually something very controllable and rectifiable! If they had shitty quality cabs because they don’t have as much money as bluebird to buy those mercedes - this I’d understand. Or maybe if they in fact do have a much smaller fleet so it is harder to get a cab of theirs - alright. But when it comes to their customer service (nothing complex, something as simple as calling a customer back to follow up), or the punctuality of their cabs and the manners of their drivers… THESE are all little matters that they could very well improve on. And trust me, if they did make the effort to focus in improving these areas, people would much rather take their cabs for 70% of bluebird’s cost.
The mindsets behind this… that is what pains me.
Its strange.. When reading her recent posts, I still feel sad.
I don’t like her, hell sometimes I’d go as far as to say reeeeally don’t want to be anywhere around her.
But sitting here I initially had heard about the changes in her life and I went looking for more evidence of it, with strictly schadenfreude intentions.
And yet, reading her thoughts and her feelings on the subject, I still get sad. I still feel for her. I honestly don’t want anything to do with this girl, so the presence of this sympathy, surprises me.. Maybe its the fact that at one point I decided to love her as a part of my life (regardless of how much that has now changed), or maybe its just that I’m still a loving being.. But I went looking to laugh at her expense.. And instead, I feel like approaching her to lend a shoulder.
But I won’t..
You know when you’re 5.. and you’re eating soup or something. Most humans would pick out the potatoes, and meat, chicken.. whatever. Then maybe, just maybe.. if you’re a fat little shit - you’ll eat the carrots…
why do we choose to consume this strange orange root? because its been burned into our sub-conscious since we were able to mutter out the words “mahmah”.. that carrots are good for your eyes.
now at 5, you’re parents can also tell you that meatballs are made from cows eyes, or rat meat.. and you’d believe them!! When in actuality, meatballs are just expensive, not toxic.
Now just recently.. I was reminded of this whole carrot-myth. My parents used to tell me, “well, have you ever seen a bunny with glasses?”.. at 5 my reaction was “huh.. no, i haven’t.. well shit on my face and call me grandma..they’re on to something!!”… Now my reaction is more like “what the motherfuck?”….. rabbits shit in pellets too but i don’t see you doing that!!!!
Now I realise i should just shut up and say “well, if its good enough for bugs.. its good enough for me”.. screw bugs bunny.. bugs bunny lives in a hole.
Ok, so the truth is carrots contain vitamin A. and A lack of vitamin A can cause things like blindness. But i think my 5 year-old self would’ve appreciated hearing that instead of being belittled and lied to. Then i could’ve just gone out and bought myself some Vitamin A pills… win-win no?
You know, I think that this could be part of the reason why little kids hate vegetables so much. Somewhere in our sub-conscious, we probably know our parents are lying to us, even at that young age. Maybe we take out our contempt of being lied to on the carrots and broccoli. They force us to eat that stuff to “better our vision”,but seriously.. how much better can an eyesight of a 5 year-old get? Wtf do they expect, we start seeing through walls? So just for the hell of it, we rebel in our later years and spend hours and hours in front of the computer and t.v JUST to fuck up our eyes. “HELL YEAH MOM, take THAT! I’m 14 and legally blind!! So much for those carrots huh bitch!!!”
I have a theory that little kids are actually geniuses deep in their pea-sized brains. I just haven’t been able to prove it yet. But seriously, i think we’re all born as geniuses… And the reason why we grow up to be the fucktards that we are is once again, because of our parents. How do you expect us to excel and fulfill our potential if you talk to us in gibberish for the first 3 years of our life?!!?! “ohh aren’t you just the cutest wittle baby?? huh? my widdle shnugleboofskie? oh i wov you.. i wooov you my poopoopikachu..”
Then they LOVE it when we say “babaah” instead of bottle.. I think that toddlers are perfectly capable of saying “gimme my bottle before i doobie-slap ur face”… but why go through the effort, when we get the same effect by saying “babaah”?? We’re not stupid, just lazy shits… and remain that way till present day.
*sigh*… if you need a licence to drive a piece of lifeless machinery.. why the fuck don’t we test moms and dads-to be ? We should start issuing parenting licenses, test them first.. give them a watermelon to carry around for a month. I bet they’d think twice about having kids!! Then maybe, just maybe.. the world wouldn’t be overpopulated!
See… I just solved the biggest 60 year-old problem on earth, in less than 10minutes… that’s called applying yourself..
AND I DIDN’T EVEN EAT ANY CARROTS TODAY!!
one of the most beautiful things about Earth is the diversity of it. Unfortunately that’s also what causes most of our problems, - our differences. In a perfect world not only would we accept each other along with the differences, but we’d love and embrace them for it. It’s a shame that most of us take a defensive stance against those who are different.
On the other hand, the conflicts that we go through in life, no matter how big or small, make us better people..stronger people,less vulnerable and less fragile. But along with those traits, we become less trusting and more stubborn.
I wasn’t dealt the best hand in life, but i appreciate the things that have happened to me and still are happening. I’ve gained a lot from my own mistakes. and I’ve also gained a lot from being forced to live a type of life that i did not choose. Because I know when it comes time to take charge of my life, i’ll be better equipped.
So in a way, i’m happy that the world has the balance that it does, the euphoric highs, as well as the devastating lows. The only thing that i would change is the way people view conflicts…if only they would look at the problems they have as a lesson, something to learn from. instead of a reason to hurt others.
How beautiful would it be if the world could grow together? Grow and learn new things…. together. We wouldn’t have all these super-rich countries vs. the poor 3rd World countries. Because we’d stop looking at it as countries.. we’d look at ourselves as a whole, a big family.. living on the same rock. Instead of instinctually picking a side, we need to learn to accept. Constructive criticism is only constructive if you know how to take it. Look within yourself and work out your problems, whats so bad about getting criticised if it makes you a better person? don’t we all strive to be better?
Wouldn’t it be beautiful if when countries give money to a place like aceh, they wouldn’t expect anything back? Pure generosity for one another. Simply because you’d want it to happen to you. Treat everyone around you as if they were your father, or mother, brother or sister.
We haven’t found another planet to live on yet, so learn to forgive the people here. You’ll be stuck with them for at least 70years.
fear is what turns arguments into wars. love is what turns arguments into a smile, a laugh.. followed by “ok.. you’re right, we’ll try it like that”…
but for that to work, someones got to suck it up and actually say those words.. take the first step. I’m willing to do that… i wish more people would.
